I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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