So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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