i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
