Do you still have your period?
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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