Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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