Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
