My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
