im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Randomize
