I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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