My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
