His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Randomize
