GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
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