i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
