You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
