Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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