ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
