When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
