dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
