every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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