We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
