The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
We left an ass print on the piano.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
