Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
