operation harelip BJ is a go
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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