i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize