Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
