I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
