Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
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