You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
