I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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