just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Vodka?
Forever.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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