Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
sex in a hospital.. check
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize