Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
