why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
