plz talk dirty to me
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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