My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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