I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Randomize
