Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I think my moral compass just broke
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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