Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
