i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
