i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
