She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I AM VODKA MAN
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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