Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
