i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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