so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
