C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
