Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
