Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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