oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
well you can't waste a boner
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
