why im i the only drunk person in the library?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
