The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize