i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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