I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
