If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
