If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
