and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
