You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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