I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize