May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
