my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I just had sex on a roof
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
