so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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