Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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