i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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