Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
