He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
