ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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