Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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