not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
