u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
