What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
