Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
