I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I'm passing your future prison.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
