areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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