I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
