my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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