Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
