You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Randomize
