i can't believe i had my finger in that
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
