You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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