my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
