This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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