i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
