People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
