Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
