I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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