My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I need a beard to bite.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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