The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
