The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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