Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
