Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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