im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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