My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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