just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
