Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Thank you for not boning my boss.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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