I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
