i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
