I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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