i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
