My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
