We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
