I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
