I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
