my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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