i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
