sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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