No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
