You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
dude. I can hear the air.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
