So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
