My room smells like vodka and shame
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
