Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
