I want to have your abortion
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
