it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
